Philosophical Sifting
The Daily Mail, as you know, is engaged in a philosophical project of mythic proportions: for many years now it has diligently been sifting through all the inanimate objects in the world, soberly dividing them into the ones which either cause - or cure - cancer. The only tragedy is that one day, amongst the noise, they might genuinely be on to something, and we would simply laugh. That day has come.― A Rather Long Build Up To One Punchline
A classic example of the Mail taking a valid scientific press release (that is a surprise) and twisting it into a scare story for no real reason. I wish I could understand how this works to sell papers, although I guess at the end of the day regurgitating a press release with added anger and Moral Outrage without doing any relevant research is a pretty cheap way of filling column inches.
NP: F♯ A♯ ∞, Godspeed You Black Emperor!